Protect the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. Today was a total waste of makeup.

I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

I started out with nothing,,, still have most of it left. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

Mall whore: I can suck the numbers right off your credit cards.

If we quit voting, will they all go away? 60-Year-Old, One Owner, Needs Parts, Make Offer

I Want It All, I Want it Now, and I Want It Delivered

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? My Hockey Mom Can Beat up Your Soccer Mom EAT RIGHT, EXERCISE, DIE ANYWAY

My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse - He Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse

Filthy, Stinking Rich -- Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up

I'm Not Suddenly a Dirty Old Man -- I've Been Practicing Since 1943e

I'd rather be pilaging Disco still sucks

Which part of

Lawyers - Criminals  I forget the difference It takes a lot of balls to golf like I do

I'm not perfect but parts of me are incredible