Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet

Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong

Don't Piss Me off! I'm Running out of Places to Hide the Bodies.

Reality Is a Crutch for People Who Can't Handle Drugs Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window

Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you Back off! You're driving in my aura.

Don't Drink and Drive...You Might Hit a Bump and Spill Your Drink.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?

Don't believe everything you think If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Born Free  But I'm higher priced now My road to success is under construction

Life's a casino and I keep crapping out