This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.

Beer isn't just for breakfast anymore. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Geez if you believe in honkus.

About car prices.  Did you ever expect to pay $50,000 for something that doesn't come with a lawn?

Flying saucers are real.  The Air Force doesn't exist. Keep smiling.  People will wonder what you're up to.

Those people who think they know it all, really annoy those of us who do.

The more I try to understand women, the more I love my truck. A hard man is good to find.

This isn't a bald spot!  It's a solar panel for a sex machine.

Warning!  I brake for hallucinations. Don't tailgate me or I'll flick a booger on your windshield.

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

Friends don't let friends drive naked. I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. If my money could talk, it would say goodbye.

Attempt to get a new car for your spouse.  It would be a great trade!

If you are not a hemorrhoid then get off my ass! Metaphors be with you.

If it weren't for the last minute, I'd get nothing done.

My daughter turned down your honor student! Nice truck.  Sorry about your penis.

If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?