You want it bad?  You get it bad.  The worse you want it, the worse you get it.

Humpty Dumpty was pushed! Riding on a dolphin is doing it on porpoise.

The person who drives a second-hand car knows how hard it is to drive a bargain.

If I can't find true love, I'll settle for lots of money. Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take chances?

There is no substitute for good manners, except perhaps, fast reflexes.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood. Avoid the 5 o'clock rush!  Leave work at noon!

Life on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

Don't rush me.  I need time to screw things up. Don't tailgate me, I had beans last night.

There is no time like the present to postpone what you should be doing.

If it's too loud, you're too old. Just wink, I'll do the rest. All stressed out and no one to choke.

Diplomacy is the art of saying -nice doggie- till you can find a rock.

I taught your girlfriend that thing you like. When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum.

Just because I look better than anyone else doesn't mean I have it any easier.

P.E.T.A.  People Eat Tasty Animals I used to live in the real world, but I got evicted.

I left my paycheck at the gas station.  They even took my I.O.U. for the balance.