Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

As Zeus said to Narcissus, - Watch Yourself - Don't hit a man when he's down.  Kicking is easier.

It may be that your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

They also surf who stand on waves. Don't let people drive you crazy when it's within walking distance.

Warning!  There has been an alarming increase in things you know nothing about.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do! I've made so many lateral career moves, I'm beside myself.

According to the latest official figures, 43% of all figures are useless.

There's no such thing as petty cash. Better late than audited.

Attention!  I am not responsible if my opinions differ from your analyst's.

If at first you don't succeed - failure may be your thing. Let a smile be your umbrella... and your face will rust.

This town is so dull that if it weren't for mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, there'd be no romance at all.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back. What?  Did ya run out of blinker fluid?

I didn't do it. You can't prove it.  The sheep are lying.

Normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. Honest Politician.  Isn't that a contradiction?

The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.