Contraceptatives should be used on all conceivable occasions. My kid beat up your honor student.

George Washington never told a lie.  Of course, he never went fishing either.

I like long walks.  Especially when taken by people who annoy me. Oral contraception - just saying no.

When you're old enough to finally get it all together, you're too old to remember where you put it.

Lottery.  A tax on people who are bad at math. The way to fight a woman is with your hat!  Grab it and run!

A wife is the opposite of a fisherman.  She brags about the one that got away and complains about the one she caught.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? Cute and interesting are two different things.

Hugs don't feel as good on the computer.

A woman never tells you anything... until you contradict her. There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

I'm driving this way just to piss you off!

Being I suffer from C.R.S. (can't remember shit)

It's time to pull over and change the air in your head!

CAUTION! - Driver legally blonde! Think this looks bad? You should see the front.

My Goddess Gave Birth To Your God

I don't care, I don't have to. Hello, officer. Put it on my tab.