I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. Women like silent men.  They think they're listening.

Out of my mind.. back in 5 minutes. I souport publik edukasion I killed a 6-pack, just to watch it die.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

Time is the best teacher.  Unfortunately it kills all its best students.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.

Be nice to your kids.  One day they'll choose your nursing home. ILLITERATE?  Write for free help.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Americans!  Insist on your rights to arm bears. It's the good girls who keep diaries.  The bad girls never have the time.

My family is more dysfunctional than yours!

Answer my prayer -- steal this car. As a matter of fact, I DO own the road.

Back off! I'm not that kind of car.

I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to work. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself

Pissing off the whole planet one person at a time