I believe on having sex on the first date. At my age there may not be a second one.

...and I should care, why? My other car was repossessed

Are you having phone sex or do you always drive that way?

Cute & Dumb. One out of two ain't bad. Who is Oscar Meyer & why does everyone want to be his weiner?

Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

Gun control means using both hands Take your Ex out tonight. (One bullet oughta do it)

4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions

Drinking and driving has totally cured my road rage My $enator can outgrab your $enator

All women are nags. Some just make better trophies.

If you can't enjoy yourself, try to enjoy someone else Drugs lead nowhere, but it's the scenic route

You looked better on MySpace

No matter where you go, there you areCows come and go, but Bull lasts forever

Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?Age is a high price to pay for maturity

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.