Half the people you know are below average.

Death to all fanatics! Two wrongs are only the beginning. A fool and his money are soon partying.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Artificial intelligemce usually beats real stupidity. Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Mondays are an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

Chastity is curable if it's detected early enough. Don't sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Make it idiot proof, and someone will build a better idiot. The problem with the gene pool is that there're no lifeguards.

If you must choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before.

Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking. Archaeologists will date any old thing.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!

Vote Republican - it's easier than thinking! Vote Democrat - it's easier than working!

I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.