Money can't buy love.  It can rent a very close approximation.

Why isn't phonetic spelled like it's pronounced? A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The Marines and I have something in common.  We're both looking for a few good men.

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

I wonder how much deeper an ocean would be without sponges?

You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd. Few women admit their age.  Few men act theirs.

Women like the simple things in life.... MEN!

Give me ambiguity, or give me something else! Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

Before you find a beautiful princess or a handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of frogs.

Don't unplug it, it'll take just a moment to fix. We have enough youth.  How about a fountain of ''Smart''?

For him to get an idea would be a surgical process.

Life is too short to worry about how short life is. Ham radio operators do it with greater frequency.

Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against doors, tables, walls).

Getting on your feet means getting off your butt. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

If going to a church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?