I don't care who you are, what you're driving, or where you'd rather be.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

Pride is what WE have.  Vanity is what OTHERS have. I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.

If this had been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you wouldn't have been notified.

Never go into a hug off balance. It's your right to be stupid, but it doesn't mean you have to be.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo!

Reality is only fantasy gone stale. Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.

LOVE:  two vowels, two consonants, two fools.

Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid.

I don't think, therefore I am not. Avoid alliterations always.

I gave up drinking, smoking and sex. It was the worst 15 minutes of my life.

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that. Life would be easier if I had the source code.

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.