I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Driver only carries $20 in ammunition. Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

If your bumper sticker wasn't so damned small I wouldn't have to drive so close to read it!

Another dopeless hope fiend. If everything is coming your way... you're in the wrong lane!

This car was designed by computer, built by a robot, and driven by a moron.

When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger. To all virgins... thanks for nothing.

This truck has been in 15 accidents.... and hasn't lost one yet.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder. Don't play stupid with me.... I'm better at it.

I may be fat, but you're ugly... and I can lose weight.

I always finish what I st Rehab is for quitters.

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

Somedays you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue. Honk if you love cheeses.

Women don't belch, snore, or pass gas... therefore we must bitch or we will explode.

Never believe generalizations. I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.