I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

I'm not cheap, but I AM on special this week! Boycott Shampoo!  Demand the REAL poo!

Mind like a steel trap.  Rusty and liilegal in 37 states.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice? I intend to live forever - so far, so good!

Support bacteria.  They're the only culture some bingo players have.

Corduroy pillows:  They're making headlines! I couldn't repair my brakes, so I made the horn louder.

Mental backup in progress.  Do Nt Disturb!

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Laughing stock:  cattle with a sense of humor.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

National Sarcasm Society. (Like we need your support) Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

So many cats, so few recipes. Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.

On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.