I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted

You probably don't recognize me without the cape.

Guess where I'm pierced?WWJD (Who Wants Jelly Donuts?)

So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.

Why are political jokes always elected? The first thing lost on a diet is your sense of humor

The best 10 years of a woman's life are those between 39 and 40.

Outsource executive management I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures

Geologists know what makes the bedrock

Piss off the liberals.  Buy a gun I'm so old that whenever I eat out, they ask for the money up front

If you can't operate your turn signals, what makes you think you can operate the rest of the car?

Adults are just kids who owe money Buckle up!  It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car.

If you can't think of anything nice to say, I'll have to get the duct tape.

Don't worry what people think.  They don't do it very often. Guns don't kill people.  Drivers with cellphones do.

If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?

Ankh if you love Isis Elvis is dead and I'm not feeling too good myself Where the hell is Easy Street?