If you dance with a grizzly bear, you better let him lead.

Jesus is coming.  Everyone look busy. Lord, save me from your followers.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Never accept a drink from a urologist. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

Never take life seriously.  Nobody gets out alive anyway. I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

A closed mouth gathers no feet. Your body would look good in my trunk

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

Have you changed your mind recently?  If not, how do you know you still have one?

Without geometry, life is pointless. Don't hate yourself in the morning --- sleep till noon.

Fishermen don't die, they just smell that way.

I'd Rather Be Out Sick Than In Sane I'd Rather Be Out Sick Than In Sane

I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol.