The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Hang up and drive! Cat.. the other white meat.

The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as 4's?

Help wanted - telepathy:  You know where to apply.

Wear short sleeves!  Support your right to bare arms. If you are dreaming that you are daydreaming, are you awake or asleep?

Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

Why does sour cream have an Expiration date? What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

Sex is like air:  it's not a problem unless you're not getting any...

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will Whiz on your computer.

I'm so far behind, I thought I was first. Honk if I'm paying your mortgage

Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).

I am not infantile, you stinky poopyhead. Worry! God knows all about you.

If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.