What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Alcohol and calculus don't mix.  Never drink and derive! Stop repeat offenders.  Don't re-elect them!

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician!

Dyslexics have more fnu.  Clones are people two.

My wife keeps complaining that I never listen to her... or something like that.

Entropy isn't what it used to be.  Ground Beef:  A cow with no legs!

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.  Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind. Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

No sense being pessimistic.  It wouldn't work anyway.

Custer wore an Arrow shirt. Veni, Vidi, VD. I came, I saw, I cankered.

My wife says I should get up and go to work, but the voices in my head say I should stay home and clean my guns.

I'm not mooning you, I'm turning the other cheek I'm not gaining weight, I'm retaining food

If you like my bumper, you'll love my headlights